Pleasure Principles (sex tips)

What have you done for your sex life lately? Read out-your-groove-on advice, written with you in mind.

Welcome to the Pleasure Dome!

What turns me on most about making love? Finding new ways to reach quivering heights!

While I've long enjoyed sexual explorations, I haven't always reached my destination, if you get my drift. I'm not alone. As Black women, we're still struggling to fully embrace our God-given sensuality. The societal messages we receive are loud, clear--and conflicting: Do it, don't do it, and don't enjoy it.  What we need is sexual emancipation. "Lincoln freed the slaves, but our Families haven't freed us," says psychologist, certified sex counselor And ESSENCE columnist Dr. Gwendolyn Goldsby Grant. "We've been in the Same sexually inhibited trap for three hundred years as a result of this Country's racial history." That history created damaging sexual stereotypes That our families tried to protect us from by telling us to keep our legs crossed and our dresses down. If that wasn't enough, many Black women, like me, must also shed baggage from childhood sexual abuse or adult relationships with knights in shining armor who turned out to be none other than Darth Vader.

The good news is that no matter where you are on your sexual journey, you can get on the path to pleasure. You'll be pleased to know that good sex is also good for you: Research has shown that women who have sex or masturbate often increase their body's estrogen levels which provides natural protection against heart disease. Give me one good reason why any of us don't have a right to such better-health bonuses. If you think sex is dirty, then perhaps you'd better skip these pages. Otherwise, read on for our frank advice and strategies to help unleash the adventurous sexual spirit within you.

Pathways to Pleasure

FROM THE TIPS OF YOUR TOES to the recently discovered G-spot, erogenous zones all over your body are ready and waiting to receive pleasure. Scientists have confirmed that female arousal can take various routes. But many women aren't even aware of all the key points in pleasure central--the genital area--or how to use them to achieve the sometimes elusive "Big O." Regardless of the route, the physiological response to sexual arousal is the same: Blood flow to the vagina and vulva increases, and the uterus rises as the upper part of the vagina balloons open. At orgasm, the outer third of the vagina, uterus and other areas of the pelvic region contract involuntarily for several seconds.

Here's a guide to help you locate your pleasure points (also see "Discover Your Own Erotic Map," next page):

* The clitoris is the most sensitive spot in your pubic area, and it's tucked under the folds of skin where the top of your labia meet. To get a bird's-eye view, sit in a chair and use a hand mirror to examine yourself. Or sit in front of a full-length mirror. "Open your legs and look inside your vaginal area to see how beautiful it is," recommends Grant. Gently open the outer and inner lips of your genitals and pull back the hood of skin over the clitoris to reveal the clitoral glans. (Check out how much it looks like a supermini penis!) If you move your fingers above your glans and press into your body, you should be able to locate something that feels like a short rod of cartilage directly beneath the skin, extending up to your pubic bone. This is your clitoral shaft. For many women, the "clit" is the source of the most intense orgasms.